Friday, March 18, 2016

my worst bully

Parents spend years teaching their children about bullies:
"do not let their destructive words tear you down, you are much stronger than that"
"do not give in to their manipulative games & jokes, they just want to see your hurt reaction"
"do not fight back, do not stoop to their level"

What parents don't mention is that you are your worst bully. 
Breaking your confidence like a shattered mirror - you can still piece it back together, but look at all the cracks..
Tricking yourself into thinking you're not good enough even though you've been told so many times how much you are valued..

Yet we are taught to not fight back,
"if you ignore them, eventually they will get bored & stop"

That bully will not stop. That bully will tear you apart limb by limb, hurtful remark after hurtful remark. That bully will compare you to others & tell you that you're not good enough because you don't look, talk, act, or love like someone else, a complete stranger, who's probably struggling with their own bully.
That bully will continue to hurt & abuse you until you put it to an end.. until you stand up for yourself, to yourself, and realize that you are worth it.
I've had a lot of bullies. Ones who have said & done things worse than your mind could ever imagine - but none of those bullies compared to me, my worst bully.

Monday, March 14, 2016

self abuse with love

hollowness in my chest makes it hard to breathe 
pushing pulling twisting spinning make my mind seethe 
cracked lips & cracked hearts are all i've ever known 
back & forth, up & down, are all places i've been thrown

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

repeating photos

how many times can one look at the same photos & still feel a presence?
shoving aside our own selfishness for wanting more
trying to stay modest with a lack of pleasance 
what else is there in store?

minor things seem to spark it all 
leaving me dead in my tracks
do you see me standing tall?
in my past, i was not lax