I Spoke Too Soon

I know somewhere deep down inside of you
that you're the same brother I've known all along.
I tell myself that no matter
how many times you fall down,
you'll always have that little tiny piece of you
that pulls you back up again.
I don't know what it is:
hope, courage, determination, love...
Whatever it is, it's keeping you going
& I'm standing at the finish line
just waiting for this to all be over.
I can't say where you'll end up
in 6 days, 6 months, or 6 years.
All I know is that if you're still here,
you're doing something right
and that's all that matters..
and I'm proud of you.

*3 days after I wrote this, my brother shot himself & was found in the park by a creek across the street from my house*
Rest in Peace, Daniel.. <3

Years

It has been
exactly a year
since I first saw you
and I'm sitting in the field
we sat in that
very first day...
but where are you?

If I close my eyes
I still see you
smiling at me
and telling me
that it's going to rain soon
but neither one of us moves.
Instead we wait
for the storm to take us
away
to a far off land
where we can't tell right
from wrong
But it wouldn't matter anyways,
I'd do anything
as long as I'm
next to you.

Lust

I know by the way you

look at me & stare

that you crave me just as bad.

I'd do anything just to touch you

hold you

feel you

breathe you in

and melt in your embrace.

Even for just a short moment, 

like when you swept 

my hair

from my face

I don't think you knew

the hot feeling you gave me.

To this day, 

I can still feel you fingertips

brushing against

my forehead.

And it must be 

one of the most

agonizing tortures

to sit so close to someone

that you cannot have. 

Digging Holes

Now days
we sit in silence
because we've already said
all the little things
that have one meaning.
The meaning that
neither one of us
would dare speak of.
You cannot hear it
on the surface
but if you would dig
just a little deeper,
it's screaming to be known.

Unstable Branches

Birds in the trees

they don't question why

they're so drawn

to every branch..

even the ones 

that are unstable.

And they may fall a bit,

but they will open 

their wings and 

fly to the next branch.

Why can't I fly back up

after I fall from

someone I trusted?

Separated

I wish when I woke up 

each morning,

that I was soothed

with the fact that

my dad is only down

the stairs, 

not miles away.

For a daughter to grow up 

without her father 

by her side

to teach her 

how to love herself,

is like taking the sun from the sky. 

What is left?

Rotting Soul

I've memorized every crack in my ceiling

from the countless hours

I have spent

laying on my floor,

with nothing to soak into 

besides my disoriented introspection.

The only time my spirit ever tastes freedom

is on these pages right here.

I can only put up a fight

with my sanity for so long...

with each passing day

it rots.