demons becoming shallow

i've been lonely nearly all my life.

for a while, books & music comforted me

on the days that were

especially difficult.

but today, nothing seems to soothe my thoughts.

no matter how many cigarettes i smoke,

drugs i swallow

and words i write,

there's still something 

deep inside

that keeps gnawing at

the surface

to burst out. 

silence.

with each passing month,
i notice the letters i send to you
are becoming more thin.
i have sunken so far
into the abyss of my own thoughts
that i cannot convey any more words.
my mind is screaming for help
but nothing ever comes out.
i hope you understand my silence
more than my words.

Sorrowful Sunshine

The sun came out today
and it reminded me
of your smile
& the way you used to
tilt your head back
when you laughed.

Summer used to bring me such joy...
but now that you're gone,
the sunshine carries the thought
of you.
Warm nights by the water
will always bring the memory
of your sweet, sweet love.

And the way you spoke to me
as we watched the sun go down
behind the hills..
knowing that when I woke up
early the next morning,
when the birds are singing their songs,
your love was on its way.

Subliminal

If only I'd known
that I wouldn't see you
again after that night.
Didn't know that was
the last time I'd get to
kiss your lips
look into your eyes
breathe in your scent
touch your skin.
And now
you are only but a memory
trapped inside of me.
But still I find traces of you
in my room
and it hurts to see your shirt
in the same place
you had subconsciously tossed it
the last time I saw you.

Withdrawals

As I lay in my bed

only this dark room surrounds me.

All I can hear

are a few lonely cars

passing outside my window.

My pillow slowly becomes

more damp

with my tears.

I miss you...

wherever you are now.

My body is cold 

even though there are 

stacks of blankets 

covering me.

There's a feeling in my stomach 

that tells me

I'm going to be sick.

Please come back.

            I'm so

lost

                  without 

       you.

Dreamy Night Car Rides

Sitting in the back seat
with your head
against my shoulder
but you have
dozed off
into a peaceful sleep
and I sat there
moving the hair
from your closed eyelids,
admiring all that
you are.
I never wanted
to leave
that moment.

Walls That Hold Our Passion

the walls ooze

with unborn dreams

endless amounts of passion

built up on the chairs

on which we sit

when we let our hearts

 soar with the music.

beauty spilling

from our insides 

letting all the trapped away

feelings

leak out of our souls

and float

across the room

and into another being. 

the raw emotions

sink into our skin

and drown all of our misery.